to let go

i make really important decisions very rashly. usually the things that i slowly think about usually ends up with me not doing. and its really weird. that would possibly my only spontaneous streak. haha. i used to think i would never be able to let go. but if some people do realise, i've slowly distanced myself from some. only keeping those i can't live without. so when the day comes to say goodbye, i can say it with less heartache. but yet at the same time, it hurts that some of those people i've distanced myself from, don't even realise it. the irony of it all.

but i think i managed to let you go now. i've let all of you go. so seeing certain images, no longer bring that sharp pain anymore. everything's over. gone with the wind. a new chapter. a new beginning. it feels good actually. i can breathe easier. yay me.

went shopping with mel and anwar today. meeheehee. i got myself a pair of gorgeous marc jacobs flats. grins, which makes me very happy and super broke. but hell yea for shoes. got myself more pretty makeup too with my mummy's vouchers. grins. i miss my mel darling. she's my rock.

and i love my pretty necklace (:

anyway, due to the As (which are OVER. muahahahah), i haven't been able to upload all my pretty pics (: yep yep. last few pics from my sony cam. getting a new canon one. whoopee.



daddy, me and mummy (daddy looks weird here) and me and my lovely darling uncle (:




ah mah, jie, me and raymond... and my LOVELY GORGEOUS CAKE :D isn't it like cinderella's shoe. teeheeehee. the shoe's still sittin in my freezer. we had a lovely french dinner at amber, though my grandma grumbled and complained the whole way through (: hahaha. she hates french food. grins. but my uncle insisted, so not my fault!

: like a star :: corrine bailey rae :

<3

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life
How to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life

a whirlwind that is everything. i sit in the middle of it all. watches it go around me, picking things up smashing things up. its a blur, a mess of everything and anything. for a control freak, i'm amazed i'm not doing everything i can to quell the chaos.

chaos and entropy. somehow i find peace in it.

its been so long and distant that i no longer know how to rush into your arms to seek comfort.

hello to all the strangers

: how to save a life :: the fray :
lovely song

its the end of e yr again (: and its my major splash out time. and there's this rational voice niggling at me inside my head, that if i go overseas next yr, i should save e money now for next time. but if i study in uk, i can't claim VAT. and everything will be e same price -.-

anyway, i've been eyeing a pair of miu miu flats. i love it that they're so bling bling and cute :D heheheee. and of course my prom shoes. i shall limit myself to a max of two shoes. as in the burn a hole in your pocket shoes. but i keep thinking i should wait till new york before i splash. cos there's MARC JACOBS in ny (: he's e love of my life. plus chanel, c&c cali, zac posen, tibi and so much lovely things that stupid spore doesn't have. i miss harrods ):

its shopping time soon (: which makes wan jun VERY VERY happy. and rachel extremely miserable. hehh. except when it comes to xmas shopping. then, rach usually gets infected by my festive mood and gets all happy buying presents. i think she's happy only when it doesn't involve buying for herself -.-

i'm so looking forward to e whole of next week. As end on mon, then happy frolicking (: tues shopping with my darling mel. SHOES MEEHEEHEEEE. and she's sleeping over. plus sewing. grins. then weds suntanning with angie, shopping, then krist's bday party. then thurs shopping with my lovely sis again. friday is SCREW DAY. whoopee. and sat's my bday. lalalala.

i love mel (: my precious sis.

life. begin

: like a star :: corrine bailey rae :

words

i love my melissa darling (: she's e best

anyway. i really think that people need to understand the impact of what they say. to some people, it might be a joke, a sarcastic comment, a taunt. but to the recipient, it really hurts. it hurts more than physical pain. i've seen what words can drive people to. i cannot forget the scars on the arms. the lines. dark and deep. and it really upsets me to know that it could be so bad.

when u're on this downward spiral. heading into nothing-ness. and u're trying so hard to stand up. to get back up. all it takes sometimes is just one comment to push you off the proverbial cliff. one insenstive untimely comment. and there you go. back down to the bottom again.

just starting on my grey's anatomy marathon. and there was this episode where there was ammunition in this guy's chest. and meredith asked, what if today was your last day to live. what if you slept tonight and never woke up. what would you do today. who would you see. would you die happy. i think partly why i've been so upset lately is cos i've been unhappy of how i'm spending each day. i'm waiting for my life to begin. and i feel like i'm wasting precious moments doing things (like As) that i really don't care about.

and then there was the question about who would i see in that moment.

: green eyes :: coldplay :

at the end of the day

we all stand alone

this is how it started

how it ends

with the end of As coming, i can't help but think of the results in a few months time. the flashbacks from almost 2 yrs ago. the words said, the emotions felt. it took me so long to come to terms not with the results, but the aftermath of it all.

i remember telling raymond one of the nights that we were studying. how it was like to be ________. and how long it took me to come to terms with alot of things. and even when i think i'm immune to it all. a moment of weakness just makes it all too real again.

on another note. lao shi rang me up before As and told me about this design competition. asked me to take part :p haha. i'm considering. but need to construct the whole thing from scratch. and my sewing skills leaves much to be desired. grumbles. and i don't have a a mannequin. anyone know where i can get one?

i miss my krist baby ): it was so fun giggling and bouncing about with her today. pouts. i can't wait for the project to start. meeheehee.

: a love to last :: renee olstead :

one dmitry please (:

i want dmitry for my birthday please (: yummy yummy yummy. i so love latin boys. meeheehee. have you seen him shake his lovely arse. whoopeeeee. hahaha. i have this super weak spot for contemporary guy dancers and latin guy dancers. i think a guy who can shake or twirl like that is mother hell sexy. teehee. i want to do latin again. ooh and ivan tonight. was delish. his argentine tango. woohoo. i like aleksandra through ): and i think ashley and dmitry's gonna make a tad bit weird couple. alex and dmitry were such a beautiful couple. dmitry's another artem. just that artem's all man. and dmitry has the body of a man and the face of a pretty boy. hahaha. i should stop drooling..

damnit. math s tmr and i really feel super unprepared. i wanted to do my tys. then i realised (the day before math s) that our tys has no answers! WONDERFUL. tell me what should i do eh. -.- grumbles.

and biotech today was an annoying piece of shit. ROARS. PLANT TISSUE CULTURE. WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO ME. and i didn't have time to finish writing. which definitely got me even more annoyed. urghs. and my parents are all pissy. wonderful.

i want to dance!

: technologic :: daft punk :
i love this song (:

i'm wanted!

i have no idea why the hell i'm blogging now -.- when my biotech exam's in like 6 hours. whoopee. haha. i'm listening to my xmas songs (; and feeling a fuzzy and warm. (brings back certain memories of the past 2 xmas. that were sweet then) and as usual being the sentimental (or as angie says angsty) old me.

i'm missing kayli jie ): but cos of the time differences and now that i'm having As. she's usually not there when i'm awake. grumbles. and i haven't talked to her in ages. it feels like the space between us is further than that between canada and spore. and it scares me that one day that's gonna happen to all of us.

on a slightly happier note. i'm wanted :D meeheheee. i got an offer from kings college (london). ok i know it isn't THAT great a uni. but its in london and at least i have someplace out of spore that i can go. hehee. i was bouncing around the house super happily when i saw it. wheeee.

the end's near. meatballs tmr (: goodluck to me!

: so this is christmas :: john lennon :
everytime i hear anything beatles now i will think of my cousin -.-

inside i'm dancing

the little boy's nodding by my screen again. sense of deja vu. mixed with sadness and a feeling of _________.

on an earlier note. you are a bastard. a cold unfeeling bastard. i don't know if you know how you sound. or you intend to do so. but it still hurts. after all this damn time. and i'm angry. angry cos of the way things turned out. angry cos of how a small part of me still stung from that. and you'll prob never know i feel this way. cos you don't even read this. not like i particularly want you to see it. gahh. i'm going in circles again.

i just watched inside i'm dancing. its a lovely movie. really sad and touching. had me bawling like an idiot -.- the way i act is like the As are over. but anyway, coupled with what happened above, it just makes me want to cherish my friends even more. at the end of the day. i still go back to my comfort zone. its a place with memories and people that no one can take away. and the people there won't ever leave. even if one day we'll physically be apart (which is rather soon), it'll always be there (:

and i'm terribly sorry if i'm morbidly depressing. its an accumulation of a few months of angst.

: every breath you take :: the police :

hello goodbye

at the end of the day. its still to the same few i turn to for comfort. and its the same few who can comfort me. just that over the past year i lost one who used to mean the world to me. by fate, by choice, by the situation we're in. and we can never go back to where we were two years ago or four years ago. its another chapter that's been closed. no more i miss yous. how are yous. hellos and goodbyes. we shut each other out one time or another during the years we've known each other. this time it seems to be for the last time.

i'm tired of holding up these walls. i want more of days like when we went kite flying, cycling. or the days of flying off the tramp. hurting everywhere. prancing around in the dance studio. bsb concerts. i hate feeling so detached from everything. probably by choice though. i'm not making much sense.

my mind now drifts back to that walk i took alone in cambridge that night where everything fell apart. the lights. the smells. the cold air. it just felt right. like i belonged. how i miss the twinkling fairy lights. the soft christmas carols. the stars in the sky. the hot chocolate. the comfort that it all brought.

a broken four leaf clover. what does it mean.

the smell of freedom is in the air. so is xmas (:

: wild horses :: natasha bedingfield :

fuck this. i've been trying so hard to step away from that bottomless hole. it took me so long to convince myself it was ok. i could get better. and all it takes is one stupid comment from an asshole (who means it) and i go spiralling all the way to the bottom again. contrary to what everyone says. maybe that asshole's telling the truth, it seems rather repeated anyway. from different people even. and all i hear now are those words echo-ing in my head. it so damn easy to step off the cliff and fall down the slippery slope and never get up.

i don't think anyone will ever understand the constant struggle. its gonna break me one day.

the other side looks incredibly tempting at this point in time.

: one headlight :: the wallflowers :

run in the wind

its been awhile. my birthday's came and went. it was really nice (: hahaha. it seems like a good sign for the next yr. grins. i'll post pics of my cinderella shoe cake soon :D its absolutely lovely. i was all 0_0 when my uncle took it out. teeheheehee.

i love four-leaf clovers (: hope everyone's really lucky this yr.

wild horses

I feel these 4 walls closing in
My face up against the glass
I'm looking out
Is this my life I'm wondering
It happened so fast
How do I turn this thing around
Is this the bed I chose to make
Its greener pastures i'm thinking about hmm
Wide open spaces far away

All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear but, not feel scared

Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind
I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing too
I wanna run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses

I see the girl I wanna be
Riding bare back, care free along the shore
If only that someone was me
Jumping head first headlong without a thought
To act and damn the consequence
I wish it could be that easy
But fear surrounds me like a fence
I wanna break free

All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear but, not feel scared

Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind
I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing too
I wanna run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses

I wanna run too.

Breaklessly abandoning my self before you

I wanna open up my heart tell him how I feel

Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind
I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing too
I wanna run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses

I wanna run with the wild horses

i couldn't find better words to explain how i feel now..

: wild horses :: natasha bedingfield :